Since my return from Israel I can honestly attest to the difference of what it’s like being there and back in in America (or anywhere that’s not Israel for that matter). To be in the midst of of God’s presence for such a long but short time then all of a sudden be back into this empty void, it’s truly like night and day. I had hoped and prayed that I would find some hope, clarity, closure, and seemingly unfulfilled answers to my prayers with a bit restoration in my focus (I’ve honestly been thinking I have ADHD) and my faith while in Israel. And to be brutally honest, I feel more lost than ever.
I’ve been a bit of a coward since coming back to the States. I don’t know why. I still don’t know why I was even chosen to go on the trip. I feel like everyone left with divine purpose and a feeling of closure except me. It’s always me. I feel like I’m on the verge of potentially Failing harder now than ever before. And you know why I feel this way?
Because I need to lean on him even more because I was a chosen witness to see His goodness, His Glory, and his land firsthand. So it doesn’t get easier, it’s not supposed to. It just gets harder. As it gets harder, my faith should actually grow stronger and intensify because I know who my God is. It’s easy to say “Let go and let God” until the day comes and we’re faced on the edge of a rugged plank during a turbulent storm at sea. The enemy has been having a field day with me and it’s time for me to get serious because I’m fully aware that as each minute goes by I need more. I need more now. The path of purpose He for me is too bright for Satan to stand and his plans are far too important for me to diddle daddle and not get to work on.
All I need is you, Lord. All I need is you.